Dear Mahal: Is it normal that I think this way?

Dear Mahal,

    Oftentimes I feel like I have to win a war just to get your attention. Is it normal that I think this way? I am still confused about our real situation. I am still not sure about my real place in your heart. I want to give my all without hesitation but do I have the right to demand anything? I miss you every day and it's killing me inside. I want a longer, meaningful, and deeper conversation with you. More than the daily good mornings and good nights. I wanna hold you in my arms to appease myself that you are for real and not an imaginary person just living in my dreams. I'm drowning in jealousy and overthinking. Not that I don't trust you but do I really matter to you. You make me extremely happy when you call me "Mahal" but my mind is betraying me. Am I really the only one that you love? Is this even real? These are some of the questions that I need answers to. I need some assurance and I need to feel what you are saying is real. 

    I want to see you soon so I can hear your answer face to face. I need to see in your eyes that my daily overthinking is completely baseless and just all in my mind. I want to feel the warmth of your body as you lock me in your arms. I want you to kiss my lips guaranteeing that this is not a hallucination but a tender love that is for real.

Love,Blithe

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